The last few months have seen a wealth of changes in my life. Most notably, the people who dominated my life in the past 12 months are starting to fade out and disappear. The only thing that makes it different than previous times,  is that there's no one coming in and taking their places.

Over the past three weeks, I've walked away from several "friends" based on their moral or behavioural beliefs. Being unable to accept that they're willing to treat people (and especially me) in ways that I found unacceptable, meant that it required to take some action.

One person moves from partner to partner at will, basically, anyone who looks at her, she jumps on, uses the relationship as much as she can, and then moves on....sorta like the aliens in Independence Day, for you who have seen it. I am glad that after 2 dates, I spotted the sort of person she was, and got out of the way. That was two months ago, and 4 boyfriends since, I feel validated in my point.

Another one is hell bent on finding people that treat her badly, and when she finds someone who doesn't, she treats them badly. It seems she's found someone else now, and sorry to say, but no doubt in 6 weeks, it'll be back to square one. The thing was, when we started catching up again, I had hoped that there had been a bit of change, that maybe she'd grown up from the person, who in her own words, used and treated me like shit. But the sad thing was, it hasn't changed, and this time I decided that I would prevent the same things from happening over again-

Then there's the one who left the biggest impact, which has been painstakingly drawn out over the past few months. The one that took my confidence, any self-belief, and quite simply my trust in females away, either I gave all that I could, and it wasn't enough, or I fulfilled what was needed during the time frame, and that was it.  Haven't heard a word in a few weeks now, and I think that'll be the way it continues to go. Not much to be done, so be it. It's hard to say something back when you're faced with what has always felt to be a big stone wall.

The rest? Well it just seems that I'm moving in a different direction now. Due to my lack in trust in them, and in several cases (even in one of my closest friends), the realisation that they're no different than anyone else means that we'll come to see less and less of each other until there's no contact for months. It occurred to me, in our discussions, that in the previous 4 months, I've always been the one chasing a discussion with someone who calls me "a close friend"....something doesn't sound right there.

Yeah yeah, it's all self-pitying bullshit, it usually is. What people fail to realise, is that when you take something on, like i have done, in moving away from everything you know, you need people around you who can support and help you, without being made to feel guilty for it. That's what I've never had, at least, not for 16 months or more. Those people who claim to care, generally have had their own agendas and as soon as I either fill that agenda, or it's clear that I won't, I get dropped. '

It's an eye-opening experience being the minority. Not many people here can say that they've been that for any sustained period of time, other foreigners from work understand completely the problems I have here, doesn't make us friends, but at least I feel validated that the issues I  have aren't just because of bitterness. There's some real issues there.

Från
    Kom ihåg mig
URL

Säkerhetskod
     

Kommentar

I'm still sad, I dunno why, the anger seems to have faded now, so now I'm just sad. I don't tend to get angry about anything, mostly because there's so little passion left to get angry about things. Even after the car died in Morup, and it took nearl...

I coulda formatted it so that it actually looked half decent, but I can't be fucked. I don't blog anymore because I'm empty, there's not really a lot to say. I feel useless and basically like a machine. It feels like the spirit is crushed now. I miss...

Holding you in my arms As we laughed and danced and sang Waking beside you each day As the alarm on my telephone rang. Happiness was my friend I could never see you too soon You were the light against my darkness The flowers of summer w...

I know you don't care, and I saw it on  your face when you cycled past, but I still am depressed because of you, I can't face the public, and I still want to come home and swallow a massive amount of pills and never wake up, just because you led me t...

It's been a good day, but a stressful evening. People at work were saying I should have an inflyttningsfest and combine it with my birthday, at first I wasn't very keen on the idea, but after more and more said it would be a good idea, I decided to p...