Alla inlägg under december 2008

Av Gary Fraser - 30 december 2008 22:41

The Final Cut (Waters)

Through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes
I can barely define the shape of this moment in time
And far from flying high in clear blue skies
I'm spiraling down to the hole in the ground where I hide.

If you negotiate the minefield in the drive
And beat the dogs and cheat the cold electronic eyes
And if you make it past the shotgun in the hall,
Dial the combination, open the priesthole
And if I'm in I'll tell you what's behind the wall.

There's a kid who had a big hallucination
Making love to girls in magazines.
He wonders if you're sleeping with your new found faith.
Could anybody love him
Or is it just a crazy dream?

And if I show you my dark side
Will you still hold me tonight?
And if I open my heart to you
And show you my weak side
What would you do?
Would you sell your story to Rolling Stone?
Would you take the children away
And leave me alone?
And smile in reassurance
As you whisper down the phone?
Would you send me packing?
Or would you take me home?

Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings,
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down.
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut.

ANNONS
Av Gary Fraser - 30 december 2008 16:42

Well, bed arrived today from IKEA, without legs, very smart of them. Luckily I have two weeks to get them.


Staying at Susanna's now. Not something I am especially chuffed with, was greeted by the cat pissing on the bed.  Too slack to move clothes from there to hear, so getting changed daily at home, before coming here. Otherwise its just food shopping to do.


Lifes pretty dull at the moment, nothing doing, looking forward to New Years and the holiday period being over so I can go back to normal times at work. It's a stupid period, where there  has been really poor planning and response, so nothing has been done. I have refused to spend all my extra time fixing the problem, although I still have to work tomorrow which really sucks ass. I should hopefully get a day off in the new year.


Otherwise feeling quite alone, nothing is happening on the relationship front, which is sad, so it appears it will be my first new years since 2000 without someone "special".


Suppose I should take a walk with the dog (again) and decide about dinner.

ANNONS
Av Gary Fraser - 28 december 2008 21:48

Well lots has been happening over the past few days, was out last night with a few mates, and it was great fun, it seems lately every time I go out it gets a little bit better.


Have to thank S, she was great to hang around last night :) Made me feel relaxed and calm for the first time in a while, which was neat. I am finally starting to meet people I feel like I can trust, although the guard remains up, basically because its set in place right now.


Having a bit of a rough time with the ex, she still thinks of me as someone who is completely incapable of taking care of myself, or animals, nevermind the fact I provided a bulk of the income from our time together, and played babysitter to a puppy last year. The thing is, its not just her. A lot of people have felt the need to explain very basic things to me lately, and it really pisses me off. I know how to survive, and have been doing it on my own for over 10 years now. So don't feel the need to explain every small step.


I wish it was easy to explain things that I'm feeling just now, I feel close to someone but its definitely something I need to keep under control, because I really don't want to lose a good friend.


Asides from that, work continues to be a disaster, and I think will continue so until I quit, or until something better comes along for me to jump ship on.


I now officially hate my job.




Av Gary Fraser - 25 december 2008 23:27

Well its another xmas day.

Been quiet today, was in at work for a few hours, and achieved remarkably little.


Went to Madde's this afternoon and watched a dvd, and I struggled to hold my attention to it. Movie itself was fine, but I really felt a bit detached today. I wish I could pinpoint it, but it was hard to "feel" happy. We had a few laughs, and hopefully, enjoyed one-anothers company, but I still left feeling a bit like a third wheel. It wasn't anything anyone said or did, it just felt that way. Nowadays I feel like a third wheel anywhere.


Talked to my nana tonight (mormor to anyone who is swedish and wondering) as well as my mother, was nice, and I had phone calls from both my parents yesterday, but they were rather short (10-20 minutes) and nothing was really said, which sorta left me feeling low.


Battling a cold at the moment, rather unsucessfully it seems, so generally this has been a christmas to forget, not that I did anything to remember anyways.


Time to sleep, must be up in 6 hours for a 10-hour work day, and then a two day "weekend" where I will only be at work a maximum of 3 hours hopefully....



Av Gary Fraser - 24 december 2008 17:24

Roll me on your frozen fields
Break my bones to watch them heal
Drown me in your thirsty veins
Where I'll watch and I'll wait
And pray for the rain

Curl like smoke and breath again
Down your throat inside your ribs
Through your spine in every nerve
Where I watch and I wait and yield to the herd

And if you don't believe
The sun will rise
Stand alone and greet
The coming night
In the last remaining light

Seven moons and seven suns
Heaven waits for those who run
Down your winter and
Underneath your waves
Where you watch and you wait
And pray for the day

And if you don't believe
The sun will rise
Stand alone and greet
The coming night
In the last remaining light


And if you don't believe
The sun will rise
Stand alone and greet
The coming night
In the last remaining light

Av Gary Fraser - 24 december 2008 17:21

Shame on me


Another Brick In The Wall - Part 3 - Pink Floyd


I don't need no arms around me
And I dont need no drugs to calm me.
I have seen the writing on the wall.
Don't think I need anything at all.
No! Don't think I'll need anything at all.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.
All in all you were all just bricks in the wall.

Av Gary Fraser - 23 december 2008 22:33

This song represents me just now....it was me 10 years ago.


Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our troughts strayed constandly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begin

Along the long road and on down the causeway
Do they still meet there by the cut

There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
Running before time took our dreams away
Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground
To a life consumed by slow decay

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
With friends surrounded
The night of wonder

Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide

At a higher altitude with flag unfuried
We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed of world

Eneumbered forever by desire and ambition
Theres a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
Though down this road weve been so many time

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river

Forever and ever
Av Gary Fraser - 23 december 2008 22:31

Are you one of the beautiful people
Is my name on the list
Wanna be of the beautiful people
Wanna feel like Im missed

Hey you with the walkie talkie
I know my clothes are not right
I wish I had my own walkie talkie
That reached to God every night

Everyone needs to be somebody
Everyone needs to find someone who cares
But I dont know if you know what I mean
cause Im never on your list

Are you one of the beautiful people
Am I on the wrong track
Sometimes it feels like Im made of eggshell
And it feels like Im gonna crack

Everyone needs to be somebody
Everyone needs to find someone who cares
But I dont know if you know what I mean
cause Im never on your list

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