Lately I've been reflecting on comments made by someone who was close to me a long time ago. 

She made a comment that I'd always had a chip on my shoulder regarding people and money, and that our relationship (and later relationships that I've had) have fallen over  on the back of the fact that I've been unable to accept that some people just have it easier in life.

I am not one to complain about my life. There have been times when I've really had it tough, especially financially, and of late, many of my ex-girlfriends have come from "well-to-do" families. The most recent relationship is a good example of this, and the fact that she has had the easy road through life to this point where as I've struggled just to make ends meet.

And its this that really bugs me, how can people go through life, without having to face the difficult challenges that I have to face, and still get everything they want and more? There seems to be a great injustice in this world about the haves and the have-nots. Am I destined to be one of the "have-nots" for the rest of my life, and if thats the case, what point is there in living at all?

Now its worth mentioning that these comments don't have to just relate to money, because to me, money has never been the be-all and end-all of life. Mostly because I've never really had any. But its about life in general. Some people are just blessed by some higher power, and it seems that nothing can touch them. Everything falls their way and there's just some aura around them that you know can't be breached.

I guess thats why, like other working class types, when I see someone who is "up high" takes a fall from grace and ends up down at our level, I take a rather primitive pleasure from it. It's a bad thing to say I know, but its a simple fact. I want people to experience what I've been through in life, simply because I want justice. I want the success I deserve for suffering through all the hard times (which still aren't finished). I don't believe I'm "owed" anything, but I want to feel some sort of happiness in life. And so far, I don't think I've ever truly experienced happiness. That feeling that comes when you know that everything you've worked so hard for has paid off....

For once in my life I would like the stress of how am I going to survive another day, week, or year to go away and just to enjoy life without feeling like I'm being crushed under someones shoe....