Well she finally walked out that door. I dunno if its forever, but I'm a short time away from finding out. I feel lied and cheated on. and feel like I'm twisted inside a bunch of secrets.

So, the idea is that if the situation doesn't improve before my last willys pay check, with either work or with her, I'm going home.

It's not what I want, in any sense of the word. I know what I'm going back to, and I know I will die inside, everything will disappear from my life, and I know it.  I will be but an empty shell of what remains in my life. And that won't ever return.

I don't know what to do anymore.  The old dreams of success in Europe, finding that perfect girl here, and seeing the world. They are gone. Replaced are much much darker dreams.

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