I guess I came to a realisation after talking to my father a bit.

The one who I care so deeply for, she's not going to feel the same level that I felt for her. It's just fact. She's too preoccupied with planning a life away from Sweden. Or doing other things with other people. That of course, makes me sad in a way. Its not nice knowing that you can't provide all that someone you love wants from their live, or at least be a part of it.

So I guess I re-evaluated what I wanted. I still want to be with her, that goes without say, but I guess the expectations have changed. There aren't so many anymore, just to be around would be enough, hang out and whatever else until she's ready to move on, then I think I can find that closure and move on myself. Assuming of course she'd want anything at all.

I dunno, my lifes gone down the drain the past twelve months. It's hard to know what to believe anymore, but I guess I need something to hope for.

Trying to keep things together, remain composed. It's not easy.

Wish I knew what to do, feel so beaten down all the time and completely isolated from everyone. Its all easy to say "go out" but there's not much to go out to right now.

Got a surprise visitor (for all of 10 minutes) today, was really nice to see Fajsty again. Otherwise its been a completely unremarkable day, no new prospects of work, and arbetsförmedlingen fucking around as per usual.

To be honest, I'm just wishing I could go to sleep, and not wake up again sometimes.