Direktlänk till inlägg 24 september 2009

Update on the list and other stuff

Av Gary Fraser - 24 september 2009 10:37

Well, I got most of the list done, some things weren't done because of outside influences, and one or two because I just ran out of time.


Got all the phone calls done

Applied for jobs, but there've come up so many this week that i'm not actually finished.

Did the washing etc etc


Will probably be much the same today, just keep plugging away and trying to get things done so that I can get my life back on track.


Of course there's still things pulling at me all the time. The whole thought of her, knowing that she's right there to talk to, but there's nothing I can say that won't end up in us arguing over why she quit. It's sorta a self-torture thing, seeing her name there sometimes. The thing is that deep inside, I really want to change her mind, make her say "oh I am wrong" and come back, but I also know that would never happen. I'm sure she's happier in her new "place" and to her, she's completely not interested in anything anymore, which does make me sad. Sometimes I sit there and think about our times together, the fun we had, Liseberg et al, the lovemaking, which was always good, and the times where, from nowhere, she would kiss me on the cheek, or nibble my ear, or even just cuddle up to me when we were watching tv. It's those things which I miss more than anything. To me, the world was complete in those moments, and I couldn't have been happier if I'd tried. I guess it's going to take a long time for this period, and those thoughts to pass.


Pretty much haven't seen anyone this week, asides from shop staff, and someone I had talked to before she moved to Australia, but that was just a passing hello, it was really lonely to begin with, and yeah, I'm still lonely, but I'm learning to deal with it.


Final payday tomorrow, I know how much I'm getting now, and i know what I'm doing with it, how I'm going to budget it out etc. I've pretty much got a month to sort myself out before I have no choice to leave. I know what lies ahead of me, and all that, question is whether I'm willing to REALLY fight for it, or just give up and go home. The choice, on paper (or internet) is easy, however the reality is so much harder. We'll see how it turns out I guess.


Asides from that, not a great deal planned today, had planned to have Fajsty, but decided to delay it until tomorrow, so Susanna isn't so stressed for time. In hindsight it may not have been so smart, since I've got a lot to do tomorrow as well (bills, haircut, shopping, afterwork drinks, and hopefully a night out, and god do I need it!)



 
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Kommentar

Av Gary Fraser - 18 april 2010 20:53

I'm still sad, I dunno why, the anger seems to have faded now, so now I'm just sad. I don't tend to get angry about anything, mostly because there's so little passion left to get angry about things. Even after the car died in Morup, and it took nearl...

Av Gary Fraser - 17 april 2010 19:07

I coulda formatted it so that it actually looked half decent, but I can't be fucked. I don't blog anymore because I'm empty, there's not really a lot to say. I feel useless and basically like a machine. It feels like the spirit is crushed now. I miss...

Av Gary Fraser - 2 april 2010 16:40

Holding you in my arms As we laughed and danced and sang Waking beside you each day As the alarm on my telephone rang. Happiness was my friend I could never see you too soon You were the light against my darkness The flowers of summer w...

Av Gary Fraser - 28 mars 2010 03:20

I know you don't care, and I saw it on  your face when you cycled past, but I still am depressed because of you, I can't face the public, and I still want to come home and swallow a massive amount of pills and never wake up, just because you led me t...

Av Gary Fraser - 4 mars 2010 22:25

It's been a good day, but a stressful evening. People at work were saying I should have an inflyttningsfest and combine it with my birthday, at first I wasn't very keen on the idea, but after more and more said it would be a good idea, I decided to p...

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