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Av Gary Fraser - 1 oktober 2009 00:43

Yet another odd day, for some reason, I was LATE to everything, and I'm not usually late to formal appointments.


Had washing 11-3, didn't really have much, but put the first load in, and then....completely forgot.


Spent the afternoon doing släktforskning, a little job search, and chatting to a few people. About 2.55 I said to Brydolf (the cat) I was off to get food....looked at the time, and then FUCK! washing.....looked at the time and then FUCK! supposed to be at the trade centre now. Anyways, rushed downstairs, made a phone call saying I was delayed, put the washing in a communal area and just prayed it didn't get stolen, which, thankfully it didn't. It's not like me to be like that.....guess I was off in another world.


The meeting itself was rather positive, we've built a time line, and I've got two seperate appointments next week, so moving forwards in any case.


I feel reserved now on writing about my feelings on here regarding her, and the conversations we have, as well as how they affect me. Lately there's been a bit of pressure on me to make a decision one way or another, no contact at all or friends, and do the things friends do. The thing is, I don't want what "friends do", because I want to be able to hold her, touch her, kiss her, and even, god forbid, make love to her, just like we used to. She said she's hurt by the whole thing just like me, but there inlies the problem, if it hurts her even half as much as she claims, then there was no reason to break up. No sane person causes themself pain deliberately. We had differences, on many (nearly all?) levels, however, when we were together, I felt good, and I'm sure she did too, so as long as we spent time together, then it shouldn't have been any major problem. But it didn't work out like that, and now because I don't want to see her, that means that I don't want contact anymore apparently.


Someone who has sorta seen how it developed, and how it suddenly fell apart, noted that it seemed she "wanted her cake and eat it too". From my perspective, it's hard to say, in fact, I don't know what to believe on anything anymore. My whole world from 6 months ago seems sorta distant and gone. Both good and bad.

 

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Kommentar

Av Gary Fraser - 18 april 2010 20:53

I'm still sad, I dunno why, the anger seems to have faded now, so now I'm just sad. I don't tend to get angry about anything, mostly because there's so little passion left to get angry about things. Even after the car died in Morup, and it took nearl...

Av Gary Fraser - 17 april 2010 19:07

I coulda formatted it so that it actually looked half decent, but I can't be fucked. I don't blog anymore because I'm empty, there's not really a lot to say. I feel useless and basically like a machine. It feels like the spirit is crushed now. I miss...

Av Gary Fraser - 2 april 2010 16:40

Holding you in my arms As we laughed and danced and sang Waking beside you each day As the alarm on my telephone rang. Happiness was my friend I could never see you too soon You were the light against my darkness The flowers of summer w...

Av Gary Fraser - 28 mars 2010 03:20

I know you don't care, and I saw it on  your face when you cycled past, but I still am depressed because of you, I can't face the public, and I still want to come home and swallow a massive amount of pills and never wake up, just because you led me t...

Av Gary Fraser - 4 mars 2010 22:25

It's been a good day, but a stressful evening. People at work were saying I should have an inflyttningsfest and combine it with my birthday, at first I wasn't very keen on the idea, but after more and more said it would be a good idea, I decided to p...

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