Alla inlägg den 15 oktober 2009

Av Gary Fraser - 15 oktober 2009 22:03

For a day where nothing has really happened, its been a pretty bad day.

Fought with Sanna, yet again. It was my fault, and I can admit that, and have apologised. However, I've given up hope on fixing things with her. Any time we talk, there's hostility on one side or the other. I really miss what we had, but its obvious to me now that it won't ever happen again, simply because both sides don't want it, and no matter what, she wouldn't be prepared to open up for it again anyways. Just too much anger, too much hurt, caused by both.

Haven't left the apartment today, and haven't slept all night, so its been a full 24 hours without contact. Should have some drinks down at bulls tomorrow, although I dunno, everyone I've talked to this evening has had an "unwelcome" air. It's just me, I know but still.

Feeling more positive about work, writing applications is becoming easier, and the positive nature of the coach is there's hope yet.

Hoping to have a happier weekend than week in any case, next week I try and resolve when/if A-kassa is coming :)

Av Gary Fraser - 15 oktober 2009 07:32

You know, it really sucks when you can't sleep, you wait up all night for the world just to wake up again so you can go and do something....

Surprisingly I haven't been thinking all that much, basically just been keeping my mind entertained by reading, watching a tv series I downloaded, playing a little poker (and making a decent profit for a change) and chatting to dad when he came online....that pretty much covers the last 6 hours of my life....interesting stuff.

Av Gary Fraser - 15 oktober 2009 00:28

Hrmmm been a sorta down few days, had an incident tonight which left me a little surprised, and although its sorta done and dusted, and all resolved, it still left a little shock in the system.

Got the question recently on whether I miss what I had, given that I've been hanging out with Frida quite often. I've been trying not to think about it so much. Have tried to say something to her about it...but doesn't work, never comes out right, and it always feels like I'm being analysed for some hidden meaning. She's away to Thailand soon, and if A-kassa doesn't come in, I'll be gone before she comes back anyways. So I dunno.....just wish it could all fix itself, and I could be happy again.

Decided to make a break from someone earlier this week. Got tired of the bitterness, the accusations and the criticisms, as if everything that has happened has been my fault, when I haven't had any influence over anything for a very long time. If the person in question had such a distaste for me, then why talk? Maybe needed a scapegoat for everything that has gone wrong in her life it wasn't a tough decision to make, although it was a foolish thought of mine that I would have liked to go see her and see if things might have become easier over the years since we last met.

Asides from all the female stuff.... (seriously considering becoming a monk or something), was at job coaching today, and got a few leads, which I gotta follow up tomorrow, so maybe the first step? Still hoping to stay....
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