Alla inlägg under november 2009

Av Gary Fraser - 29 november 2009 01:52

Jag är så jävla trött på att mår skit runt folk. Var ute igen ikväll och vad skulle har blivit roligt, vänt sig till någonting som jag kunde inte kommer iväg tillräckligt snabbt liksom. Det är roligt när jag är ute med en eller två kompisar, men när det blev massa folk som jag bryr mig inte om, och då behöver jag att slösa mitt kväll för att vänta på dem, det gör mig besviken.

Redan hade jag tagit besluten att när hon kommer hem ska jag inte ute igen.  Jag var redan trött på utelivet i Halmstad iaf, men nu hade jag känt att jag vill inte ute. Jag är trött för att vara runt folk, och vill heller vara ensam med katten.

Om den prag jobb kommer ska jag nästan säkert ta det och åka härifrån. Jag känner att det är dags att lämna staden bakom mig, och hitta någonting nytt, eller kanske bara så att jag kan jobba inom mitt karriär och fick chans att bli okänd igen.

Jag vet den har låter som "oh poor me" men det är verkligen inte så. Seden förra jobbet gick i helvete, och jag blev "dumpade" pga jag är inte tillräckligt bra, har jag alltid känt som det är bättre att vara ensam. Då hörde jag en låt nyss som är en filosofi som jag tror ska passa mig rätt bra.

Men i alla fall, hade den hela väg hemma att tänk på saker. Och nu känner jag mig säkert. Om jag ska stannar kvar här, det ska bli för att spara pengar, så när jag är redan att åka härifrån, har jag pengar bakom mig.

Av Gary Fraser - 27 november 2009 23:01

Well. Start a new job on Monday, feels nice to be wanted again. The foreign job is definitely not ruled out however, with an answer coming on Monday.

However, now that I'm assured a stay in Europe, time to start building for the future.

Things Needed

  • New glasses
  • Repairs to or/New Car
  • Gym membership (both companies offer heavily discounted membership, so one way or the other I'm able to get one)
  • Brydolfs checkup in January
  • A New PC, Laptops on the blink
  • Haircut

Things Wanted

  • Clear the debt accrued under my time of unemployment.
  • Altnernative hobbies for Friday/Saturday nights, since after this weekend I've decide I won't be going out much anymore, would much rather save money for the upcoming trips planned
  • Money for a trip to South Africa  in June
  • Go home and visit my family
  • New Clothes, mine are getting tatty
  • New Shoes

Decided to cancel my contract with the apartment here in Andersberg. Tired of complaining at the person who owns the lease here to get the washing tag, and now I found out that I was never registered which was promised WAY back in June. Even though my contract is actually illegal with her, since she didn't obtain approval of the buildning owners (HFAB) I've decided to respect my word and follow through on the 3-month quitting period. It sucks a bit, I like it and am comfortable here, but I can't keep going on having to borrow friends washing rooms and helping out friends in return for being able to wash my underwear. It really has gotten to the point where this wasn't working anymore.

Asides from that, worked today, after being up the entire night with stomach cramps, and later insomnia, so came home and napped in the afternoon. Bought my job coach some flowers to thank her for all the work she put in, without her I never would have gotten a job, and she always managed to pick me up when I felt down. I owe her a lot, and when the hope was gone, she restored it.

List of things needed to do to get through until the first pay day (25 Jan)

  • Obtain a loan/bank loan for 15000, to cover expenses and costs for two months, hopefully it will be approved and I can clear the debts I have with Telia and start going forward
  • Get Migrationsverket onside and let them know that I've obtained permanent work, clearing the way for my work permit.
  • Ring Arbetsförmedlingen on Monday and let them know that I have obtained work
  • After I receive any payment from Handels, cancel my membership there, and sign up to another fack/a-kassa group.
  • Start looking for a new apartment though Blocket, and Halmstadtorget.

Anyways, I'm tired as hell, so thinking of getting into bed and sleeping until lunch time tomrorow! :)

Av Gary Fraser - 24 november 2009 23:54

hrmmm its been a reasonably good day, had the final job interview, went pretty well, accepted that I'm never going to get anywhere in Sweden, and then came home to watch Liverpool get knocked out of the Champions league

So what ruins it? Someone who has no job experience getting offered an office job.

Av Gary Fraser - 23 november 2009 19:43

Lately I've been reading and watching materials that focus on highlighting the secrets within the US government. From Michael Moores books to a documentary today based on how the government limits the freedom of speech in their country despite their first amendment rights (which guarentee free speech).

It's amazing how ignorant Americans are. They don't understand and have little tolerance to people of Arabic origin. Even though almost every "arab" community within the USA condemned the 9/11 attacks, they're continually persecuted. It's solely a race question, since there was little or no persecution of Germans within the USA after WWI or WWII.,.. 

Admittedly, both in the USA, and worldwide, the arabic communities do little to help themselves in bettering their image. It's hard to say what it is that they can exactly do,  but some positive PR would certainly help their case, both in the states and abroad. People need to learn that they aren't the boogie monsters, just that it's an unfortunate fact that people of that race and creed use their backgrounds as an excuse to wage war.

I have no real way to say this in a nicer way, but the USA had 9/11 coming. Their continued arrogance and ignorance of their surrounding world and environments, as demonstrated here

The USA required a wake-up call, and for exactly 1 month, they had that wake up call. However, they're still as ignorant as ever. Most of the general population doesn't even know who they're at war with, be it country or man. Their intel is very half-assed and doctored, with no real evidence on anything at all, as was proof in their invasion of Iraq.

So whats this all about? WHY is America so ignorant? Well, it can come down to a multitude of reasons. Lack of education seems to the be the biggest one. The link above shows just how much they know about the world around them, however, another major factor is fear, sensationalised by the media, with a racist overtone.

Racism. That's what causes America to invade other countries. (And Oil or any other strategic resource which they can't produce at home).

The thing is, the USA isn't alone in its racism. Every country is the same, in its own way. Some countries are more tolerant than others. But even Sweden, which appears so multi-cultural on the surface, is secretly just as racist as the USA.

For the first time in my life, even as a white person, I am in the minority. It's impossible to find an "educated" job as a foreigner here. So impossible I have given up looking for educated work in Sweden, and have decided that my work future lies elsewhere. Sure, if I obtain a labouring job here, I will occupy the position for a period of time, but If I wish to pursue my career, I have to leave. Pure and simple.

In over 100 "Office" job applications, not once have I ever qualified for an interview. Yet in 3 job applications overseas for similar or higher ranked positions than those here, I have achieved an interview each time. Now one cannot say that is coincidence. Had those jobs overseas existed here in Sweden, I could be guarenteed a "thanks but no thanks" email (if that).

Yet what fuels this behaviour? Just like the USA, it's ignorance. Sweden and Swedish employers believe that their education, and their people are superior to any other race in the world.

How many people of "foreign education and lineage" find themselves in positions of power in this country? Not many. Even the Svenska Fotboll Förbundet (national soccer association) has refused to look outside of Scandinavia for its next coach. Sweden is one of the few countries left who has yet to employ a foreign manager in the past 20 years (if at all). Yet the coaches being employed are not of high calibre. Lagerbäck was definitely not world class, and for the past 8 years has punched above his weight. Of course it was going to catch up with him sooner or later. Yet the arrogance and ignorance displayed by the nations media has only galvanised the ignorance in the people. Reading Aftonbladet, the national newspaper, and Metro, a free newspaper here, before the match against Denmark, which ultimately doomed Sweden's world cup bid, both papers said that Sweden was a class above Denmark, neverminding the fact Denmark led the group, quite comfortably might I add, and had several stars in the top league of Europe, and, probably most crucially, they had a TEAM SPIRIT, which Sweden clearly lacks. Needless to say, as they had been all campaign, Sweden were disappointing and definitely toothless. After that, let the finger pointing begin.

Sweden, as a country, is a great country, I love it here. I like the people, the way of life, the pay packets, and the opportunities that are there, which, maybe one day I'll be able to partake in. And to be honest, Sweden is no different than any other country, be it the USA, the UK, or even little old New Zealand. The problem remains however, how can man resolve this issue?

The human race has a long way to go before "Equal Employment Opportunities". Lets face it, EEO is nothing but a PR load of bullshit. Employers select people based on who will fit into their work culture the best. In white collar work, especially in "first world countries", that is most often white people, or natives. Globalisation is helping this to a substantial degree, and relocating countries is becoming easier and easier, with the language barriers starting to break down. However, we're all still stuck in our prejudices, and we're going to continue to be stuck in those prejudices for many years to come.

I just hope that I see change in my lifetime. Now that I've been a part of that minority, I can be sure that I don't want people around me feeling the way I've been left feeling here.

Av Gary Fraser - 22 november 2009 23:45

Hasn't been the best of 24 hours.

Went out last night, to go dancing with some friends (its the second time in two weeks I've been out sober) just to end up standing in town for an hour and then going home again. Was really put off by this, especailly since I thought it was all very unnecessary.

Since I came home, I went to bed around 3am-4am, usual time, and have basically just slept, woke up a few times (once around 11, and then intermittently afterwards) and didn't get up until 4pm, and since then, have basically been in bed dozing or have absolute no energy left at all.

The hernia/groin problem has returned, and there's a fair bit of discomfort there right now. None of the signs of last time are there, no lumps, or trouble going to the toilet, nor is it difficult to run (well it is, but not because of that).

All the issues could quite easily just be stress. Right now there's a lot of it, the job situation is NEARLY solved, and I'm in a better position than I was 2 months ago, but that's just it, it's not solved, and it really needs to be soon.

Also, I really do need to revamp my diet. There's serious issues with the way I'm eating and I need to change it, lack of funds makes that difficult, however. So basically I need to find the work to be able to fund the necessary changes needed. It's somewhat of a vicious circle.

I'm guessing a lot of the issues are stress related, and the sooner I resolve the major issues, the easier it will be to slip the stress, and hopefully resolve all the issues.

Av Gary Fraser - 21 november 2009 19:23

Having a downer evening tonight.....

Had a really nice afternoon, out at Wapnö with Madde and Mikaela, before heading out to have a fika with Theresia, where we had a good long chat. The break up came up, and it ended up with how I've been dealing since, and the overall conclusion was not so well.

Yeap, still miss her, yeap, still care, yeap, still hurts, but what can I do? Fuck all, Just try to get over it, and accept that I wasn't worthy, or wanted, and that she was just outta my league I guess.

The job situation isn't helping the mood, from promises made to promises broken, I've found I'm back in the interview process. I've been promised at Servera that it's a final interview, however thats not the job I want. The other jobs sorta picking up again next week, and even if I get the Servera job, I don't think I'll close the door on that option completely.

I sometimes think it is time to move on, Halmstads no longer big enough, and I can't go out without feeling sad or stressed, and now its come to the point where more often than not, I'm not even thought of/asked.

I dunno.....everything seems so bleh just now. It's been agreed with Dad that if nothings sorted by the 11th, I'm going home, probably in time for the new year.

Av Gary Fraser - 17 november 2009 12:08

This song doesn't really have much to do with anything, I just like it


Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, 
and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...

So if you love me, let me go. And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care. I can't destroy what isn't there.
Deliver me into my Fate 
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you...
My smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart... when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not hear. 
I think I made it very clear.
You couldn't hate enough to love. 
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend. 
Then I could hurt you in the end.
I never claimed to be a Saint...
My own was banished long ago 
It took the Death of Hope to let you go

So Break Yourself Against My Stones
And Spit Your Pity In My Soul
You Never Needed Any Help
You Sold Me Out To Save Yourself
And I Won't Listen To Your Shame
You Ran Away...You're All The Same
Angels Lie To Keep Control...
My Love Was Punished Long Ago
If You Still Care, Don't Ever Let Me Know
If you still care, don't ever let me know..

Av Gary Fraser - 17 november 2009 00:13

Standing in an empty room

Waiting all alone

Looking for that little contact

Feeling on my own

Echoes of my breathing

Bounce around the room

Thoughts of love and life

Make the sadness boom

Every time I make a sound

It falls upon deaf ears

Is there really no one out there?

To help ally the fears

Friends who've promised so much

To be there when one needs

But many have fallen by the way

Falsehood and lies, their deeds

So come the next rising

The sun will bring new things

I hope I will find the strength

And maybe I will find some wings

And dreams are free......

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