Entering the room

Without being there

Voices fill my head

Sounds like everywhere

You cannot hear my tears

You cannot see my mind

Nor the screams or the cries

To me, you're deaf, dumb and blind

Life has progressed

To another different plight

Leaving days behind

Where the sun shone so bright

Lying on the darkened gronud

Where the house we built once was

Now so torn and empty

Ended, just because

So, on your merry way
True joy I hope you find

Because no matter where my life goes

To me, you're deaf dumb and blind. 

When you try your best but you don't succeedWhen you get what you want but not what you needWhen you feel so tired but you can't sleepStuck in reverseAnd the tears come streaming down your faceWhen you lose something you can't replaceWhen you love someone but it goes to wasteCould it be worse?Lights will guide you homeAnd ignite your bonesAnd I will try to fix youAnd high up above or down belowWhen you're too in love to let it goBut if you never try you'll never knowJust what you're worthLights will guide you homeAnd ignite your bonesAnd I will try to fix youTears stream down your faceWhen you lose something you cannot replaceTears stream down your faceAnd ITears stream down your faceI promise you I will learn from my mistakesTears stream down your faceAnd ILights will guide you homeAnd ignite your bonesAnd I will try to fix you 

Another day, another kronor...of which, I incurred twice as much as I earnt in bills.

Found out Folksam wasn't insuring me anymore, not sure why yet, but will find an answer sooner or later...as far as I know, I haven't received any car insurance letters lately, so fucked if I know what happened there. Got a nice bill frpom Trafikförsakringsföreningen, which is going to be around 2000 kronor now that I've re-insured my car with another company. Hoping to bully Folksam into saying to tff that they made the mistake (which I'm sure they did). I will quite happily pay the gap which exists, but if they don't come up with the right answers, I'll pull out my pension and home-insurance too.

Today was the first day on the floor at Servera, went alright, and picked it up quickly and easily, even though I was just filling orders today, which I won't be doing, starting monday. Was nice to get moving anyways. Passed my forklift license test today, so qualified to drive certain forklifts ;) Apparently I'm going to be qualified to drive bigger ones after xmas, pretty awesome really.

Despite all that, been feeling pretty low all day. It seems I can't make people understand that I can't play happy families just to make them feel better. When someone decides that I'm not worth shit to them, and then turn around and think it's still ok to have some form of relationship on their terms, I have it tough to say "that's ok". Read her blog before, and saw a poem, so won't be reading it again.

I just wanted things back the way they were, but it seems our two realities are very different. Whereas I was quite prepared to do anything to make her happy, it seemed it wasn't enough. I know this is basically just a re-hash of things from the last 3 months, but I can't really help it. The feelings just won't go away. I'm not in love, and am pretty sure I never was, but I wanted to be, and I felt that I could love her, so to be dumped like a broken toy, it has changed me as a person, and I sure as hell don't trust her, or anyone else for that fact, and for the 4 people who've passed comments on my dating status, no, I'm not dating right now, and don't want to.

I keep getting told things will get better on the personal front, but right now, I just don't see it. So I go to work, do my job, and just try to not think about life outside of work until its quitting time, and at the moment, I really hate coming home. So based on that, I've picked up some overtime in the coming weeks, so then I'm not home as much, I feel bad for Brydolf, but he'll survive, he has company in the evenings in any case.

I miss people from home a bit, I've lost interest in making friends here, would love to have someone from Dunedin here, that understands what I think and feel, instead of accusing me of deliberately hurting them, or being rude, or self-centred, or self-interested, or only talking about myself....since thats all I do apparently. But so be it. If you don't like it....fuck off.