Direktlänk till inlägg 3 december 2009

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Av Gary Fraser - 3 december 2009 17:55

Another day, another kronor...of which, I incurred twice as much as I earnt in bills.

Found out Folksam wasn't insuring me anymore, not sure why yet, but will find an answer sooner or later...as far as I know, I haven't received any car insurance letters lately, so fucked if I know what happened there. Got a nice bill frpom Trafikförsakringsföreningen, which is going to be around 2000 kronor now that I've re-insured my car with another company. Hoping to bully Folksam into saying to tff that they made the mistake (which I'm sure they did). I will quite happily pay the gap which exists, but if they don't come up with the right answers, I'll pull out my pension and home-insurance too.

Today was the first day on the floor at Servera, went alright, and picked it up quickly and easily, even though I was just filling orders today, which I won't be doing, starting monday. Was nice to get moving anyways. Passed my forklift license test today, so qualified to drive certain forklifts ;) Apparently I'm going to be qualified to drive bigger ones after xmas, pretty awesome really.

Despite all that, been feeling pretty low all day. It seems I can't make people understand that I can't play happy families just to make them feel better. When someone decides that I'm not worth shit to them, and then turn around and think it's still ok to have some form of relationship on their terms, I have it tough to say "that's ok". Read her blog before, and saw a poem, so won't be reading it again.

I just wanted things back the way they were, but it seems our two realities are very different. Whereas I was quite prepared to do anything to make her happy, it seemed it wasn't enough. I know this is basically just a re-hash of things from the last 3 months, but I can't really help it. The feelings just won't go away. I'm not in love, and am pretty sure I never was, but I wanted to be, and I felt that I could love her, so to be dumped like a broken toy, it has changed me as a person, and I sure as hell don't trust her, or anyone else for that fact, and for the 4 people who've passed comments on my dating status, no, I'm not dating right now, and don't want to.

I keep getting told things will get better on the personal front, but right now, I just don't see it. So I go to work, do my job, and just try to not think about life outside of work until its quitting time, and at the moment, I really hate coming home. So based on that, I've picked up some overtime in the coming weeks, so then I'm not home as much, I feel bad for Brydolf, but he'll survive, he has company in the evenings in any case.

I miss people from home a bit, I've lost interest in making friends here, would love to have someone from Dunedin here, that understands what I think and feel, instead of accusing me of deliberately hurting them, or being rude, or self-centred, or self-interested, or only talking about myself....since thats all I do apparently. But so be it. If you don't like it....fuck off.


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Av Gary Fraser - 18 april 2010 20:53

I'm still sad, I dunno why, the anger seems to have faded now, so now I'm just sad. I don't tend to get angry about anything, mostly because there's so little passion left to get angry about things. Even after the car died in Morup, and it took nearl...

Av Gary Fraser - 17 april 2010 19:07

I coulda formatted it so that it actually looked half decent, but I can't be fucked. I don't blog anymore because I'm empty, there's not really a lot to say. I feel useless and basically like a machine. It feels like the spirit is crushed now. I miss...

Av Gary Fraser - 2 april 2010 16:40

Holding you in my arms As we laughed and danced and sang Waking beside you each day As the alarm on my telephone rang. Happiness was my friend I could never see you too soon You were the light against my darkness The flowers of summer w...

Av Gary Fraser - 28 mars 2010 03:20

I know you don't care, and I saw it on  your face when you cycled past, but I still am depressed because of you, I can't face the public, and I still want to come home and swallow a massive amount of pills and never wake up, just because you led me t...

Av Gary Fraser - 4 mars 2010 22:25

It's been a good day, but a stressful evening. People at work were saying I should have an inflyttningsfest and combine it with my birthday, at first I wasn't very keen on the idea, but after more and more said it would be a good idea, I decided to p...

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