Alla inlägg den 11 december 2009

Av Gary Fraser - 11 december 2009 06:03


Started sleeping regular nights again, two nights in a row now...

Had dreams for the first time in a while tonight

First dream, my most recent girlfriend was in it, and everyone was telling me how unsuitable I was for her, and that she was so much better than what I possibly could deserve. And that even though I cared so much about her, they were telling me that she didn't care about me and that I should just forget her. First it was people from Willys, then my own friends from home, and then people from my new job, and that even when I became very sad, I would look up, and there were more people ready to tell me the same thing.

Woke up at 3am, felt like crap, but a quick five minutes to unwind, check my mail and then off to sleep

Second Dream. Following along to a job interview for Susanna. And we're at this bitchy old womans place, and basically the whole time we're there, she's judging me as if I'm not worthy, because I don't have the right manners blah blah blah.

So we go back to her place, n we're chatting etc. Then she gets another phone call and I go down into the kitchen, where I'm greeted by two people (in the dream I assumed they were her family, although these people have no basis in reality, as one was my best friends brother). And they sit me down saying that the BBB wants to be able to give her away at the wedding, and that they would refuse to give her away to me. So I get angry and I leave the room, and end up in another room, where a black guy (who resembled Morgan Freeman ?!?!)  is getting ready for work, and I tell him about what I just heard, and he got really angry....moving on, I go to talk to Susanna about it, and then, bang, mobile alarm goes off and I wake up.

I wonder if these dreams are sending a message which I feel I already knew, that I'm not going to be with someone, or that those who I get close to, just push me away, or those around them push me away because I'm not suitable. It feels like I'll never be suitable for anyone again. 

Even now, I get up, I work, I come home, stay awake until dad comes online before he goes to work, and as soon as he's off to work, I hop into bed and I sleep until the next morning. Doesn't feel like much of a life, however, I have chosen it this way, and I really shouldn't complain,. 

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