Alla inlägg den 3 januari 2010

Av Gary Fraser - 3 januari 2010 21:02

Shit day today...pretty much nothing went the way I wanted it to.

Fixed up, and cleaned out the car, so thats a positive. Dishes aren't finished, but partially done. Got a message, regarding my post yesterday, nothing else mentioned, just that one small fact, but haven't come to expect anything else anymore. So just didn't respond

United lost, and it had to be one of the most terrible performances I've seen. I don't tend to get angry at the telly very often (like, never) but I screamed and yelled a fair bit today. Thats how frustrating it was.

Had won a poker tournament on Friday, which qualified me for a bigger one today, and then proceeded to get knocked out very quickly, due to lack of concentration and just poor play.

Today is a fuck-off of those days that can fuck off.

Back to work tomorrow, and routine again. Looking forward to it, although at least one more day off this week....looking forward to the 5-day working week again.

Time to wind down for the night, I hope I can sleep better than I did last night (4.30am I finally fell asleep).

Av Gary Fraser - 3 januari 2010 01:18

Slow day today, achieved nothing, and basically only got my washing done.

Read something just now, which I wish I hadn't. I dunno why I care, but it still hurts. Whatever/whoever it is she dreams on, hope it makes her happy.

Talked to Madde today too....feels like the gulf in what we believe in regarding friendship is getting wider and wider. I want people who call themselves friends to actually stand up for it, but I think she has other ideas. I dunno, the more I learn about her, the more she becomes just like Sanna, in her personality, and her behaviours....

Busy day tomorrow/today, gotta finish fixing the car, do the dishes, clean the house, the United game is on, sort myself out for the new working week, and fit in some work out time, becoming impressed with my biceps, they're starting to build up, although the weight aspect isn't really changing much yet, it's something I really have to work on.

At least tonight, the sadness isn't alcohol induced, got a little tipsy last night, probably a bit too much. I think the sadness will be something that will never really go away, as long as there's something to remind me of her. 

After discussing a few things with Mikaela, I'm gonna look into getting some help during the week. Make a few contacts and try and get to the root of the issues.

The break up with Sanna is one of the major ones, the way she treated me, and the way things went down removed all confidence (or what little I had) in myself, and although its not fair just to blame her, since i haven't exactly made it easy for myself, she is to blame, whether she (or her friends) like it or not.

Yes, I am unwell, I can admit that, and given the very dark thoughts that enter my mind daily, regarding her, my life, my future (or lack thereof) and my general self--worth, I am in danger of losing control of my life. I just hope that if/when I do get help again, it won't be like the last time.

I'm not going to be able to sleep, I just know it, so a long night lies ahead of me.

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