Direktlänk till inlägg 3 januari 2010

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Av Gary Fraser - 3 januari 2010 01:18

Slow day today, achieved nothing, and basically only got my washing done.

Read something just now, which I wish I hadn't. I dunno why I care, but it still hurts. Whatever/whoever it is she dreams on, hope it makes her happy.

Talked to Madde today too....feels like the gulf in what we believe in regarding friendship is getting wider and wider. I want people who call themselves friends to actually stand up for it, but I think she has other ideas. I dunno, the more I learn about her, the more she becomes just like Sanna, in her personality, and her behaviours....

Busy day tomorrow/today, gotta finish fixing the car, do the dishes, clean the house, the United game is on, sort myself out for the new working week, and fit in some work out time, becoming impressed with my biceps, they're starting to build up, although the weight aspect isn't really changing much yet, it's something I really have to work on.

At least tonight, the sadness isn't alcohol induced, got a little tipsy last night, probably a bit too much. I think the sadness will be something that will never really go away, as long as there's something to remind me of her. 

After discussing a few things with Mikaela, I'm gonna look into getting some help during the week. Make a few contacts and try and get to the root of the issues.

The break up with Sanna is one of the major ones, the way she treated me, and the way things went down removed all confidence (or what little I had) in myself, and although its not fair just to blame her, since i haven't exactly made it easy for myself, she is to blame, whether she (or her friends) like it or not.

Yes, I am unwell, I can admit that, and given the very dark thoughts that enter my mind daily, regarding her, my life, my future (or lack thereof) and my general self--worth, I am in danger of losing control of my life. I just hope that if/when I do get help again, it won't be like the last time.

I'm not going to be able to sleep, I just know it, so a long night lies ahead of me.


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Av Gary Fraser - 18 april 2010 20:53

I'm still sad, I dunno why, the anger seems to have faded now, so now I'm just sad. I don't tend to get angry about anything, mostly because there's so little passion left to get angry about things. Even after the car died in Morup, and it took nearl...

Av Gary Fraser - 17 april 2010 19:07

I coulda formatted it so that it actually looked half decent, but I can't be fucked. I don't blog anymore because I'm empty, there's not really a lot to say. I feel useless and basically like a machine. It feels like the spirit is crushed now. I miss...

Av Gary Fraser - 2 april 2010 16:40

Holding you in my arms As we laughed and danced and sang Waking beside you each day As the alarm on my telephone rang. Happiness was my friend I could never see you too soon You were the light against my darkness The flowers of summer w...

Av Gary Fraser - 28 mars 2010 03:20

I know you don't care, and I saw it on  your face when you cycled past, but I still am depressed because of you, I can't face the public, and I still want to come home and swallow a massive amount of pills and never wake up, just because you led me t...

Av Gary Fraser - 4 mars 2010 22:25

It's been a good day, but a stressful evening. People at work were saying I should have an inflyttningsfest and combine it with my birthday, at first I wasn't very keen on the idea, but after more and more said it would be a good idea, I decided to p...

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