Direktlänk till inlägg 6 januari 2010

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Av Gary Fraser - 6 januari 2010 21:43

Looking back in hindsight, which I have all the more time to do these days, I regret ever taking the job at Willys. It brought to the fore things which I didn't want to know, about other people, about myself, and my future here, in general. Things would have been very different, quite possibly happier. I wouldn't have had the permanent job which put the pressure on (and ended) my previous relationship, although quite possibly it would have ended anyways. I also wouldn't have had the 6 months of hell I endured. I'm starting to get over it, by getting rid of the worst parts of that time, and a new job now, but the scars still remain, and most certainly, there's plenty left to fill the gaps to keep trying to make it worse.

As I've said before, yes I am bitter, and no, I don't need anyone to be able to survive, as long as I have a job, then everything else is secondary.

I remember the night she walked out, I was lying in bed, really upset, and music came on, and that Phil Collins song came on, which I'm sure I've quoted before, but that one line stuck out, and whether Iliked it or not, I knew it to be the truth

"And I know in my heart of hearts, that I'm never going to hold you again". I sorta wonder if I'll ever hold someone the same again... the way things are, I doubt it, seriously. The whole thing has left me warped and twisted, to the point where I don't trust anyone, because of the hypocrisies which I've encountered. Not just from one, but from many.

Could well have been just the wrong crowd. Who knows. To a point, it was fun while it lasted, the sex was great, just unfortunate that the peronalities didn't fit in together, and that all I wanted, which was honesty and clarity, and keeping to your promises, was clearly too much for many to uphold.

Anyways, up for work in 7 hours, I'm going to try (and no doubt fail) to sleep.


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Av Gary Fraser - 18 april 2010 20:53

I'm still sad, I dunno why, the anger seems to have faded now, so now I'm just sad. I don't tend to get angry about anything, mostly because there's so little passion left to get angry about things. Even after the car died in Morup, and it took nearl...

Av Gary Fraser - 17 april 2010 19:07

I coulda formatted it so that it actually looked half decent, but I can't be fucked. I don't blog anymore because I'm empty, there's not really a lot to say. I feel useless and basically like a machine. It feels like the spirit is crushed now. I miss...

Av Gary Fraser - 2 april 2010 16:40

Holding you in my arms As we laughed and danced and sang Waking beside you each day As the alarm on my telephone rang. Happiness was my friend I could never see you too soon You were the light against my darkness The flowers of summer w...

Av Gary Fraser - 28 mars 2010 03:20

I know you don't care, and I saw it on  your face when you cycled past, but I still am depressed because of you, I can't face the public, and I still want to come home and swallow a massive amount of pills and never wake up, just because you led me t...

Av Gary Fraser - 4 mars 2010 22:25

It's been a good day, but a stressful evening. People at work were saying I should have an inflyttningsfest and combine it with my birthday, at first I wasn't very keen on the idea, but after more and more said it would be a good idea, I decided to p...

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