Alla inlägg den 16 februari 2010

Av Gary Fraser - 16 februari 2010 22:43

Well, new computer, so glad for the ability to do stuff again, couldn't blog from my mobile, wouldn't let me log in. It's quite late tonight, so I'll keep this one short.

Been to Stockholm, had a fair bit of fun there, didn't really drink much, but played a bit of rugby, and then ended up in Malmö on Sunday to play cricket, was good to keep the activities going, even though it did hurt a bit the next day.

Having it a little tough at work on several days, very easily irritated, and it bothers me the attitude some of the people have taken, just expecting others to clean up after them. I understand that OFFICIALLY they're doing nothing wrong, but fuck, it doesn't hurt to think about your fellow workers.

Last weekend, in Malmö again, this time to party. Was great hanging out with the guys, and lots of fun was had. It's so much more fun hanging out somewhere outside of Halmstad, no stresses, no worries about anything, just relax, and enjoy the moment. Some of the guys have a few issues with alcohol I reckon, but all in all it was a helluva fun night.´Even I got refused service (and I wasn't even drunk!) A nice fika with a good friend has also come about, a few laughs, and mackor, made for a good evening last thursday.

So, New computer, new car in the works hopefully, and new apartment sometime during May/start of June, so its all happening. Hopefully I can transform my life, and forget all  the shit, and some of the people who caused it, and learn from the shit which I caused myself.

On the darker side, I'm still having issues with the self-confidence. Over time, it really should be recovery, but in reality, it's just getting worse. The psychologist said that I have to start being my best friend, to which I thougt "Well I won't trust anyone else to do it."  It helps sometimes, but I always come home feeling so much more stressed, headachy, and just generally exhausted. It's never a positive feeling after, just emptiness.

Most of the time now, I feel almost human, but sometimes I just can't stop the feelings dragging me down. Pretty much everyone whom I've been interested in since her  have been out of my league, and they know it, and in one case, said it.  But that's life, and that's going to be my life I feel. I will survive, even if sometimes I don't want to.

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