Alone days are always the toughest.

You think alot, you process events, information, and feelings, and see where you stand at the end of it.

I don't like where I stand in life, that much is clear. I'm not happy with my position in life, where I'm going, where I've been. Of course, what can I do to change it? Admittedly it has to start with my appearance. I'm unhappy with my body, and thats the easiest thing to change in a short period of time.

So, again, I want to try and get down in weight, and there's only one way to do it.

I think, with all the changes that are happening around me, I can hop on the bandwagon and make things easier.

Personally, internally, I'm still a mess, I accept that, and I'm doing what I can to change it. But for just one thing, that I wish in life, is to have someone to hold, every now and again, just chill out, cuddle on the sofa, and share my life with someone. I thought I'd found someone who fitted everything perfectly, but she disagreed, and needed to find a way out. So be it, but even thinking of finding someone else I can trust shakes me to my bones.

To a point, my humour is returning, some of the personality that I used to have, which made it so easy to get along with people is coming back, but it will always be damaged, and tinged with sadness it feels. Over the life that I lost, the love that I lost, and the person whom I was, that I don't feel I could ever be again