Alla inlägg under mars 2010

Av Gary Fraser - 28 mars 2010 03:20

I know you don't care, and I saw it on  your face when you cycled past, but I still am depressed because of you, I can't face the public, and I still want to come home and swallow a massive amount of pills and never wake up, just because you led me to believe that I could achieve those far-fetched dreams I had of being happy,

I'm sure you're happy with your life, and all that you've done, and I'm glad for you, but you have ruined mine it feels like.

Av Gary Fraser - 4 mars 2010 22:25

It's been a good day, but a stressful evening. People at work were saying I should have an inflyttningsfest and combine it with my birthday, at first I wasn't very keen on the idea, but after more and more said it would be a good idea, I decided to put it up on facebook and make it all formal and invite people.

Hence the stress

My deepest fear is that basically no one will come. And so far, asides from one, no one has confirmed that they will come. Ok it's the same day I put out the announcement, and the partys 3 weeks away, but still, I don't really know what I was expecting, but the fear will basically remain until the party is done and over.

Got asked to a party on Saturday, and considering going. Although definitely not keen on the idea of going to town. Still not ready, and even though I've discussed it with dad, and my reaction to certain things I've done lately, I'm still worried about my own uncertainty on if a certain situation arises.

Despite the positives of things settling down at work, getting into a steady routine, and working out regularly, I'm still pretty unhappy. There's still the deep sadness. Working on fixing it, although when the dark thoughts come, it's hard to shut them out sometimes. So at the moment, that's my major task, to learn to control the sadness. At work, it's easy, just concentrate on what I'm doing, try to limit the irritation and find someone to have a laugh with, and then I feel better, and today I came to realise that, as it stands, I'm satisfied with my work life, despite the bitching about the small elements of the job. That makes me feel better, and makes me realise I'm on the right track to recovery.

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