Direktlänk till inlägg 4 mars 2010

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Av Gary Fraser - 4 mars 2010 22:25

It's been a good day, but a stressful evening. People at work were saying I should have an inflyttningsfest and combine it with my birthday, at first I wasn't very keen on the idea, but after more and more said it would be a good idea, I decided to put it up on facebook and make it all formal and invite people.


Hence the stress


My deepest fear is that basically no one will come. And so far, asides from one, no one has confirmed that they will come. Ok it's the same day I put out the announcement, and the partys 3 weeks away, but still, I don't really know what I was expecting, but the fear will basically remain until the party is done and over.


Got asked to a party on Saturday, and considering going. Although definitely not keen on the idea of going to town. Still not ready, and even though I've discussed it with dad, and my reaction to certain things I've done lately, I'm still worried about my own uncertainty on if a certain situation arises.


Despite the positives of things settling down at work, getting into a steady routine, and working out regularly, I'm still pretty unhappy. There's still the deep sadness. Working on fixing it, although when the dark thoughts come, it's hard to shut them out sometimes. So at the moment, that's my major task, to learn to control the sadness. At work, it's easy, just concentrate on what I'm doing, try to limit the irritation and find someone to have a laugh with, and then I feel better, and today I came to realise that, as it stands, I'm satisfied with my work life, despite the bitching about the small elements of the job. That makes me feel better, and makes me realise I'm on the right track to recovery.



 
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Kommentar

Av Gary Fraser - 18 april 2010 20:53

I'm still sad, I dunno why, the anger seems to have faded now, so now I'm just sad. I don't tend to get angry about anything, mostly because there's so little passion left to get angry about things. Even after the car died in Morup, and it took nearl...

Av Gary Fraser - 17 april 2010 19:07

I coulda formatted it so that it actually looked half decent, but I can't be fucked. I don't blog anymore because I'm empty, there's not really a lot to say. I feel useless and basically like a machine. It feels like the spirit is crushed now. I miss...

Av Gary Fraser - 2 april 2010 16:40

Holding you in my arms As we laughed and danced and sang Waking beside you each day As the alarm on my telephone rang. Happiness was my friend I could never see you too soon You were the light against my darkness The flowers of summer w...

Av Gary Fraser - 28 mars 2010 03:20

I know you don't care, and I saw it on  your face when you cycled past, but I still am depressed because of you, I can't face the public, and I still want to come home and swallow a massive amount of pills and never wake up, just because you led me t...

Av Gary Fraser - 28 februari 2010 19:16

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6IO5EN49hY   Use to be so easyTo give my heart awayBut I found that the haeartachewas the price you have to payI found that that love is no friend of mineI should have know'n time after timeSo longit was so long ag...

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