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Av Gary Fraser - 17 november 2009 00:13

Standing in an empty room

Waiting all alone

Looking for that little contact

Feeling on my own

Echoes of my breathing

Bounce around the room

Thoughts of love and life

Make the sadness boom

Every time I make a sound

It falls upon deaf ears

Is there really no one out there?

To help ally the fears

Friends who've promised so much

To be there when one needs

But many have fallen by the way

Falsehood and lies, their deeds

So come the next rising

The sun will bring new things

I hope I will find the strength

And maybe I will find some wings

And dreams are free......

Av Gary Fraser - 15 november 2009 13:54

Been a quiet few days, woke up at 1pm today for the second time this week, starting to get lazy methinks

Had a fun night out last night with Madde (from 12-3 anyways) going out to town, sober (!?!?!) and just going out primarily to dance. Hung out with the two Sara's at Harrys for a while, and then onto Bond. Weren't so many people out, but a lotta guys were lookin over Madde (she looks damn good when she goes out to dance) and then giving me jealous looks, was sorta fun actually, hasn't happened so often before.

Home around 3.30am with pasta, and in bed by 4am made for the 3rd stupidly late night in a row.

Asides from that, went through yesterday feeling good. NZ qualified for the World Cup for only the second time, the last time they qualified was the year I was born, which, by many friends accounts, is forever ago. So thinking about heading down to South Africa to watch my country play next year.

Hoping for the phone call tomorrow in a positive manner, I am trying to keep it positive, most people deliver bad news on a Friday, so they can forget it over the weekend and start afresh on Monday. Started looking at Apartments to get an idea of what price range I'm looking at, found some really nice places :)

Asides from that, not a lot new to report. Database I'm working on has finished over half the first parish (births complete, Marriages nearly halfway) so looking forward to getting that done :)

Feeling good mostly, not much is bringing me down at the moment, still feeling positive, hopefully we can FINALLY resolve this fucking A-kassa thing.

Av Gary Fraser - 13 november 2009 00:31

So, busy day planned for tomorrow:

8.00am - Get up, shower, follow the NZ game online, and shave

9.00am - Dishes

10.00am - Dishes (there's a lot), and general cleaning of the kitchen, rubbish control.

11.00am - Bathroom, vacuuming (if I can get it to suck)

Midday - Living room, and mopping

01.00pm - Finish cleaning, hope to have received a phone call by then, Ring Lernia and introduce myself.

02.00pm - Go shopping, see if I can find new vacuum bags, if not, order online

03.00pm - Possibly go into town for afterwork drinks

05.00pm - Come home

06.00pm - Dinner, no doubt on my own

07.00pm - Chill out, watch tv, maybe work on the database.

We'll see how much I actually get done ;)


Av Gary Fraser - 12 november 2009 01:58

Well, its 2am, and I'm up, minds just ticking over incessantly.....thinking about everything, especially now things are starting to dawn on me.

Thinking about two jobs, the pros and cons. Mostly the pros, and I'm leaning more and more towards the career job, and why shouldn't I, I sorta left my career a bit when I moved here, and haven't had much opportunity to reignite it, and sadly, in the current ciimate here, I won't find much opportunity. And therein lies the problems. If I take the career job, I have to take in all the expenses that will come with it, less pay, moving costs, logistics of the move, how I'll make social contacts there (already found a cricket club ;)) whats it going to be like, and is it going to be a repeat of Brisbane where I was so isolated that I was depressed 90% of the time.

After I've exhausted every "what-if" angle on that, thoughts turn elsewhere, inevitably to her, its stupid.

The thing is, I've had longer relationships, and worse break ups, but I think its the fact that it was so sudden, andm at least from my end, very unexpected. It's only happened once before (with my first ever girlfriend) and break ups like that are hard to take. I think back to the fun times we had, and some of the fun times, which at the same time, weren't so fun at certain points (Leffes comes to mind) and it makes me sad (and very awake)

Asides from that, I'm a little homesick, (and a little sad at the thought of leaving little old Halmstad) but I'll get there I'm sure.

Av Gary Fraser - 9 november 2009 22:07

Nothing but good news today, all the interviews went perfectly, with perfect results....Servera in Halmstad signed me up on the spot basically, just waiting to hear back on the starting date/time.

The other interview went off without a hitch too, and its looking positive that I will be offered one of the two positions available there.  However....there's a few words to describe the feelings right now....I'm undecided as to what I want to do. One job I would take purely based on emotion, the other, is the logical step forward....until today, It's always been the logical job that has been hands down favourite if I got offered both....but I dunno







As you can see, been taking in a little bit of a new language, thank god for gadgets on Vista.  

I should be really bouncy and happy and know that my future in europe is least one way or another...but meh...I sorta wish something would happen which would make the decision for me, but life isn't made out to be that way.

Friday is the day I have to make the big call, have a meeting with the job coach to discuss options, and maybe a few more interviews.

To Agneta: Thanks for the kind comments, its nice to know I have a reader....if I may call you that :)

Av Gary Fraser - 5 november 2009 00:37

VERY appropriate....I wonder if people like the ones I mentioned ever understand this?

Song is found on

Lush Hypocrite lyrics

A silly girl I run around and never know my reasons
And though you're laughing with me I know what you say about me
I can't explain, it's not your business anyway
So don't say you understand
And don't pretend you're on my side
And I remember when you hated her for sleeping next to him
I see your smiling face but I know you've done worse to me
You hypocrite,
don't talk to me
'Cause you're not fit to know me
So don't pretend
That you could've ever been a friend
And still I'm sure you think it's ok
What you've done to me
'Cause I'm so bad to him
Don't even try to hide behind that stupid lie
I know your kind and I know where your loyalties lie
The silly girls we run around and never know our reasons
And though I understand I guess I'll say that you betrayed me
I'm a hypocrite,
I dish it out but I can't take it
I know you think it's wrong
And maybe you're right but this is my song
And still I'm sure you think it's ok
What she did to me
'cause I'm so bad to him
Don't even try to hide behind that stupid smile
I know our kind and I know where our loyalties lie

Av Gary Fraser - 4 november 2009 22:46

Finally some good news.

Got two job interviews today. One on friday for a job in Prague, and another with Servera here in Halmstad. Looking forward to both to be honest, but if I get offered both, without doubt, I'll be on the first plane to Prague. They're looking for someone to start there ASAP, so basically I'll be offering to be on my way down there next week if they want me.

It feels good to feel wanted again, when for the past 4-5 months, no matter where I've been, I've felt unwanted and unneeded, both in work and personal life.

If it doesn't work out, then I think due to contacts I have a good chance at the Servera job, just tell them that I'm desperate to work (which I am) and get in the door there, get rid of the debt, and then start again.

Asides from that, there's always some soap opera happening here.  Found out that one (or two) of my friends are real hypocrites. Say one thing, do the other, and just feel the need to lie to make themselves feel better (and ultimately me feel worse). At least its easier to communicate with someone if you know they're fake.

Looking forward to my future though, and feeling positive that within 7 days I'll have an idea where I'm going.

Av Gary Fraser - 2 november 2009 23:30

Well tough, but at the same time, sanitised.

I don't feel as down about it as I probably should. I got some news that someone I "dated" found someone (already) and I dunno why, but it left me feeling a bit........annoyed? Sad? I dunno.....

Nothing new on the job front, hopefully I will get the A-kassa papers back before Wednesday. That way I can resolve that issue.

Otherwise, I dunno. Everythings so ....blasé


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