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Av Gary Fraser - 16 oktober 2009 17:51

hmmm another day, another lack of dollars.


Went out and had some drinks with the guys, but it was pretty short lived. Everyone was done and going before 5. Was a little tråkigt really.


Got Anders and Emil to fill out some paperwork for my jobbcoaching. Was a little pointless I felt, but I had to do it to be able to keep things smooth. They were never REALLY going to critisize me, and it felt difficult to give them this "assignment" to do, since they don't really know me that well. There's only two though that know me better than them, Susanna was one, and she's going to do it on Monday, and Sanna is the other, which would probably be the stupidest thing I'd have done if I'd asked her.


People seem to be going out of their way today to ask about her. And that sorta drags me down a bit, especially with the hopeless feeling I get with her. They're learning, and I am too I suppose...just never had someone so hell-bent on not caring before.


Gonna be a quiet night tonight...got asked to provide the spare sofa-bed earlier in the week, only to be ignored about it all day today when I asked for an update....disappointing but hardly surprising. No idea what I'm going to do, everyone seems to have something planned except for me.



ANNONS
Av Gary Fraser - 16 oktober 2009 11:32

Haha I don't know how i have this song (closet Meatloaf fan maybe?) but it was sorta appropriate to how it all ended.



Not a dry eye in the house
After loves curtain comes down
Listen and youll hear the sound
Hear the sound of a heart breaking

I can still see you standing there
Midnight wind blowing through your hair
Kisses sweet in the salty air
When love was forever
Turn the page and we fade to blue

The scene has changed now Im without you
Walked away when the act was through
And the dream was over
It was almost like a movie - the way you said goodbye
You must have a lot of time rehearsing each and every line

Now theres not a dry eye in the house
After loves curtain comes down
Listen and youll hear the sound
Hear the sound of a heart breaking

Not a smile left on my face
The endings just too sad to take
And theres not a dry eye
Not a dry eye in the house

The greatest story was you and me
Had it all we had everything, but now the
Storys done its just history
The last act is over

You every line had the sweetest sound
Your every touch turned my world around
But the light came up and my world crashed down
End of show - its over

It was almost like a movie
Those nights we touched the stars
Time stood still for you and i
Now its sad enough to make you cry

Now theres not a dry eye in the house
After loves curtain comes down
Listen and youll hear the sound
Hear the sound of a heart breaking

Not a smile left on my face
The endings just too sad to take
And theres not a dry eye
Not a dry eye in the house

Act one - the storys just begun
Act two - I fell in love with you
Act three - knew it was meant to be
Act four - you dont love me no more

And theres not a dry eye in the house
After loves curtain comes down
Listen and youll hear the sound
Hear the sound of a heart breaking

Not a smile left on my face
The endings just too sad to take
And theres not a dry eye
Not a dry eye
Not a dry eye in the house

After loves curtain comes down
Listen and youll hear the sound
Hear the sound of a heart breaking
Not a dry eye in the house

ANNONS
Av Gary Fraser - 15 oktober 2009 22:03

For a day where nothing has really happened, its been a pretty bad day.


Fought with Sanna, yet again. It was my fault, and I can admit that, and have apologised. However, I've given up hope on fixing things with her. Any time we talk, there's hostility on one side or the other. I really miss what we had, but its obvious to me now that it won't ever happen again, simply because both sides don't want it, and no matter what, she wouldn't be prepared to open up for it again anyways. Just too much anger, too much hurt, caused by both.


Haven't left the apartment today, and haven't slept all night, so its been a full 24 hours without contact. Should have some drinks down at bulls tomorrow, although I dunno, everyone I've talked to this evening has had an "unwelcome" air. It's just me, I know but still.


Feeling more positive about work, writing applications is becoming easier, and the positive nature of the coach is catching....so there's hope yet.


Hoping to have a happier weekend than week in any case, next week I try and resolve when/if A-kassa is coming :)

Av Gary Fraser - 15 oktober 2009 07:32

You know, it really sucks when you can't sleep, you wait up all night for the world just to wake up again so you can go and do something....


Surprisingly I haven't been thinking all that much, basically just been keeping my mind entertained by reading, watching a tv series I downloaded, playing a little poker (and making a decent profit for a change) and chatting to dad when he came online....that pretty much covers the last 6 hours of my life....interesting stuff.




Av Gary Fraser - 15 oktober 2009 00:28

Hrmmm been a sorta down few days, had an incident tonight which left me a little surprised, and although its sorta done and dusted, and all resolved, it still left a little shock in the system.


Got the question recently on whether I miss what I had, given that I've been hanging out with Frida quite often. I've been trying not to think about it so much. Have tried to say something to her about it...but meh...it doesn't work, never comes out right, and it always feels like I'm being analysed for some hidden meaning. She's away to Thailand soon, and if A-kassa doesn't come in, I'll be gone before she comes back anyways. So I dunno.....just wish it could all fix itself, and I could be happy again.


Decided to make a break from someone earlier this week. Got tired of the bitterness, the accusations and the criticisms, as if everything that has happened has been my fault, when I haven't had any influence over anything for a very long time. If the person in question had such a distaste for me, then why talk? Maybe needed a scapegoat for everything that has gone wrong in her life since.....so it wasn't a tough decision to make, although it was a foolish thought of mine that I would have liked to go see her and see if things might have become easier over the years since we last met.


Asides from all the female stuff.... (seriously considering becoming a monk or something), was at job coaching today, and got a few leads, which I gotta follow up tomorrow, so maybe the first step? Still hoping to stay....
Av Gary Fraser - 13 oktober 2009 01:29

Been a busy enough time, haven't written much lately.


Been hanging out with Frida a lot, we were in Hässlöv on Sunday walking the fajst, and had a dvd tonight with way too much junk food because she was feeling down. Hope the movie n stuff made her feel better.


Asides from that, not a huge deal happening, tried mending bridges with Sanna, but doesn't look like that worked so well. She's going away again soon, so guess it's probably for the better. Sometimes just wish for the times when we lay in bed and watching tv or cuddling


Anyways, hopefully going to find work tomorrow, trying to be positive. Thanks to those who have been supportive to me lately. Although I know it's not easy to be around me sometimes, those who have stuck by me, have been true friends and thats something one doesn't forget wherever they go.




Av Gary Fraser - 8 oktober 2009 19:02

Another song, which is a favourite, which I often quoted to someone a while back, you know who you are.


A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Av Gary Fraser - 8 oktober 2009 00:21

It's the song of the moment.....

Sorta how I feel....




It's been a long day
At the bottom of the hill
They say she died of a broken heart
She told me I was living in the past
Drinking from a broken glass
I'm Alone
Now I turn to face the cold
I'm Alone
Now I turn to travel home
I walked down
to the other end today
Just to catch those last few rays
I held out my hands and slowly waved goodbye
I turn my eyes to the sky
Chorus
She'll come back to me
I held out my hands to the light and I watched it die
I know, that I was part to blame
But I've done my time
and I Never want to spend my life alone

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