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Av Gary Fraser - 7 oktober 2009 12:29

Been quiet, I guess, these past few days. Was supposed to have a job coaching thing wrong, but have a cold (and got the time wrong) so ended up staying home.

Did my good deed for the month yesterday dropping Nilla over some McDonalds, given she's so sick....glad she liked it anyways :) Was just a flyby visit, so it doesn't count.... :P

Spent a large part of the evening with Frida again last night before dropping her in Fyllinge, played Guitar Hero, which, I thought was already apparent, but this just confirmed, I suck at!

Got a bit lazy, and I was supposed to reply to an email about the job in Prague last Friday, but only did it this morning. I dunno why, just lack motivation to actually go forward. The whole missing the meeting thing this morning doesn't help things either.

Nothing planned for the rest of the week. So HOPEFULLY I'll get some job applications in, and finish cleaning this place. It's still messy, but at the same time probably the cleanest its been for a while.

Once the cold has passed, I really have to get back into running again, and working out in the cycle n weights. Don't want to pile on the weight even more.

And to you. Yes I still do miss you, and think about you daily.

Av Gary Fraser - 5 oktober 2009 22:26

It's been an interesting few days since the of Saturday night

Got through to sunday morning on like 2 hours sleep, maybe less, but started feeling better in any case. About 7pm, I got a message from Frida, saying lets have dinner, so dinner we had. Ate at Ida's Krog, and the food was alright actually. We sat there for nearly 90 minutes just chatting and catching up, having not seen each other for a year, so there was plenty to talk about about.

A quick stop home for her to meet my cat, and see my new place (well not so new anymore) and then off to her place to watch some 2 1/2 Men on tvshack and have some cake and chat some more. Came home around 1am-ish, only for something else to come up and then not being able to get to bed before 3.30

Up this morning for a traningsinterview at the Trade Centre for the jobbcoaching thing I'm doing, got some good feedback, and then home again before lunch.

Slept a little in the afternoon, but Frida was coming around, so around 4 I finally got motivated and cleaned the apartment.....everything except the bathroom...sorry! Had some Tacos for dinner, and sat and watched a bit of Svensk Hollywood fruar, and basically chilled out. 

It has been nice to catch up with her, we always had it easy to relax with one another, and just chat about life and small stuff, and for me, it is always nice having company, and she's always good company :) It was also nice that she hadn't forgotten my talent when it came to backrubs though :D Dropped her home and now home to just chill out with a bit of music, and maybe play a little playstation before bed.

Not much planned for tomorrow yet, maybe hang out a little, but it will be job applications som gäller. Maybe finally get around to cleaning the bathroom....although maybe not :)))

Asides from that, not much to report yet.....things are moving slowly, sorta everywhere, and every day sorta feels the will wait to see if tomorrow feels any different :)

Av Gary Fraser - 4 oktober 2009 01:39

I am so tired of being miserable because of you. Everything you do just makes me feel like shit.

The way you left, the way you've behaved afterwards. I can't even go out without hoping like hell I don't see you, and that ruins it.

I never thought I would ever think this, but I'm starting to regret us. If I'd known how I'd end up feeling over you, I wouldn't have done it, I wouldn't have fallen for you and believed you when you actually said you had feelings for me.

What's worse, when you saw me, and KNOWING how I felt, you smiled at me as if causing me sadness made you HAPPY. Of which I'm sure it does.

You complained that I was willing to be friends with Susanna but not with you, well Susanna didn't go out of her way to make me sad, even forgetting tonight. Your friends say you're "snäll" and I'm sure to them  you are, just like my friends say I'm "snäll" and "caring" and say that I DON'T take an interest only in myself, but friends are biased....think about that.

Av Gary Fraser - 3 oktober 2009 23:58

I came to an interesting (re)-realisation today....

If I disappeared, one way or another, no one would notice for a full week, "helt-klart"

Av Gary Fraser - 3 oktober 2009 16:22

Today I feel bitter, I don't know exactly why, I know over who, but there's no real reason for it.

Booked off all my plans for tonight, basically I know that I'll be thinking about her, and  hoping we don't run into each other, and I think that would overshadow any fun I could possibly have. It also feels a bit stupid having to arrange places to drink so that I don't run into her.

Had a  lunch with Susanna today, was nice to get out of the house two days in a row. We chatted and talked about her hopefully new job and stuff about the dog. Enjoyed it anyways, before yesterday, it had been 6 days since I'd seen anyone I would call a friend, and only the third time I'd talked to ANYONE in person since last Sunday morning.

Hope I meet a few new friends soon, especially ones who are in town, need to replace some old ones who've shown their true colours.

Av Gary Fraser - 3 oktober 2009 00:58

I hold you close

and oh so near

Then the picture starts to blur

And you're not there

Dreams of you that came

Most days of the week

And who would have believed

You'd make my soul start to leak

Bitter, dark and cold

Like a cold November morning

As distant as the moons

No reasons why you ignore me

Moving forward, you go

Leaving me here behind

Wondering why this is so

That you smile, wave, and go

Suns pass my windws

Nights go for always

Alone with my thoughts

I throw away the days

Sooner more than later

You'll have forgotten about me

And all that we shared

Leaving me to wonder

If you really cared

Another night will pass

Where I will not lay my head

Just sit here in the darkness

Thinking what was said

The sun will rise again tomorrow

And I must face another day

Wondering if I'll find the guts

To take the easy way.

Av Gary Fraser - 2 oktober 2009 22:44

Well another typical day, achieved little, although i did do the dishes.....well most anyways

Always looking forward to fridays now, a chance to get out of the house and see people. I don't get so many opportunities anymore, so I try to enjoy it as much as I can, although today I was headachey and a little "off", so not until the last beer did I start to perk up, and ended up going to Emil's to watch Idol and have Pizza, which was nice.... It was nice just to hang out with someone and just talk crap on girls, talk abouit TV, Music and Youtube stuff.

But alas, home again, what I had planned for the weekend has seemed to come undone, so not sure if I will be out tomorrow, sure that will please some.

Asides from that, will be out for a run tomorrow, and buying some beers to watch with the United match. And maybe, just maybe, I'll get around to some job applications and cleaning the place.

Av Gary Fraser - 1 oktober 2009 22:57

Its been a tough day, completely unmotivated.

Recent events have dominated on my mind.  Along with other things, I miss her, but at the same time I don't want to see her. Also the whole job situation, and the fact I'm actually yet to see ANY documentation that says I will get A-kassa paid out in the next month.

I dunno, so completely BLAH, wanna go out tomorrow but dunno......feel so crappy.


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